According to the movie Forrest Gump, "life is like a box of chocolates." I realized today this is true.

Like a box of chocolates, if you're in life long enough, eventually you get down to the ones that make you say "What the fuck was that?".

ARE YOUR INFOMERCIALS LACKING A CERTIAN SOMETHING? WELL I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT IS: BILLY MAYS. THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS, BILLY MAYS HAS DIED. CALL NOW AND GET ONE FREE BLOG POST DONE IN HIS STYLE AS A TRIBUTE TO BILLY.

When I was a young man, I knew.

But the more I knew, the less I understood.

Then one day I understood.

But then I discovered I didn't really know.

If I could reach the stars...

And pull one down for you...

AAAAAH IT BURNS!!!!

OMG A STAR IS COLLIDING WITH THE EARTH YOU'VE KILLED US ALL!!!!!!

I took my mom to the eye doctor after her cataract surgery last week. They do quite a few of these surgeries. I was in the waiting room with a bunch of people with a patch over one eye. It was like I was at a pirate convention.

I didn't think exclaiming "ARRRR!" or "Avast, me hearties!" would go over well.

I should really put up another blog entry but I can't think of anything right now.

I think I figured out why the economy still sucks, even after TARP. Any handyman will tell you, you should also have BUNGIE CORDS and DUCT TAPE.

Duh.

So Arizona State Univesity doesn't want to grant President Obama an honorary degree for speaking at their university? You know, at one time, owner of the title "Guy Who Can Nuke Your Ass" used to get you stuff like this. But, I guess since the last office-holder they had to raise the bar a bit. At any rate, don't worry, Mr. President, I got your back. I'll give you an honorary degree, you don't even have to show up.

1. Print this blog entry.

2. Cut between the lines below.

3. ???

4. Profit! 

Actually in terms of actual certification, it probably means as much.

I got my mom a mother's day card. The Hallmark store has everything. I had to make sure I didn't get one like "Happy Mother's day from your sister's cousin's ex-lesbian lover's former roomate!". 

For dinner I had baked salmon. This is what popped into my head on the term "baked salmon":

Yeah, so shitty week at work this week¹. Layoffs, gutting whole teams. I knew my job wasn't going to get axed this week, but still pretty stressful. 

Unlike most people in my field,  I don't change jobs very freqently. When I started my current gig the industry was still pretty much in the dot-com-bust crapper. This week's layoffs just seem to remind me of that time. It's been a week of deja vu all over again.

¹If you follow business news closely you might be able to guess where this is. But I'd rather not name names.